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This is a clip from the very funny Kathleen Madigan’s 2016 standup special Bothering Jesus. I’ve been saying it a lot these days. It’s just tremendously satisfying to say. /misc/m/mermaid-lady.mp3…

The National Rifle Association says that, “Guns don’t kill people, uh, people do.” But I think, I think the gun helps. You know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, “Bang!” That’s not going to kill too many people, is it? You’d have to be really dodgy on the heart to have tha…

Because we don’t simply write non-annoying and non-creepy software that respects you and does the thing you want it to do anymore. Gotta deliver Value™ to all key stakeholders. By which we mean ourselves and the Market. Not you. You are nothing more than Data that taps “Purchase” to us.…

I’m not saying there’s going to be a schism or anything, but I’m not not saying that, either. This is just genius. (Cached)…

Battling cancer for 9 years without telling anyone is the most Norm Macdonald shit ever. Anthony Jeselnik I had no idea that he performed at the Hancher Auditorium at The University of Iowa in 1997 and mortified most of a crowd of 1,200 excited kids and their parents who’d come to see him, Darre…

Somoza called himself “president”. The Sandinistas called him a “dictator”. They called themselves “freedom fighters”. He called them “Commie terrorists”. So they kicked him out then they were in charge. Ronald Reagan called them “Commie oppressors” and he sent in the Contras, whom he called “free…

Just stop it. /misc/b/bob-newhart-stop-it.mp4 Via Professor Goldsman.…

So saith Uncle Roger, who finally approved someone’s egg-fried rice. Via KP.…

Bill Burr on The Joe Rogan Experience: BURR: I don’t want to start this bullshit. I’m not gonna sit here with no medical degree, listening to you with no medical degree, with an American flag behind you smoking a cigar, acting like we know what’s up, better than the CDC. All I do, is I watch the ne…

WOOLEY. What if the Prime Minister insists we help them? SIR APPLEBY. Then we follow the four-stage strategy. WOOLEY. What’s that? SIR WHARTON. Standard Foreign Office response in a time of crisis. SIR WHARTON. In stage one we say nothing is going to happen. SIR APPLEBY. Stage two, we say something…

From an episode of My Next Guest with David Letterman: Letterman: First of all, let’s define terms. Comedian and comic: used interchangeably but mean two different things. Seinfeld: Kind of different, yeah. A comedian is a, to me, a full-fledged, not only a monologist, but someone who can really wo…

Via co-worker DH. Dara Ó Briain on how Racism is better than Astrology: Racism is one of the worst social evils they can imagine. “How dare you do that?” they say. "How dare you ascribe to me personality traits? You don’t even know me, but you tell me that you know me, and you know these thing…

“https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA4UZMHTjRA” 05/08/18 lol…